Jordan’s Journey

Jordan does her homework

She’s been very interested in reading and writing. Though she still struggles with letter shapes, she makes more attempts each day. Today she worked with Jeanette to craft a diorama of photos and artifacts from her “Make-A-Wish” trip to Walt Disney World last year.

Jordan, as photographed through the MRI

It has stalked her for five years, this amorphous sickness called cancer. She’s heard us whisper about it, exchange knowing glances, even openly discuss the process by which it challenges her as she goes about being a kid. But yesterday, for the first time, Jordan saw the disease with her own eyes. Staring into the luminescent glow of the computer screen, she smiled a little. Her eyes studied the peculiar topography of her brain and the deceptively non-threatening blurs of white that marked the fringes of the tumor.

“You were right, Dad,” she said with a hint of pride. “This is interesting.” (more…)

The results from the MRI are in, and Jordan’s condition is stable. It’s not a very attractive word: stable. No real sex appeal. But, in her case, it’s very good news. It means the drugs are working. When you combine the diagnosis with her buoyant personality and active behavior, stable is actually a very soothing word.

She was quite pleased with the news — even left me a bubbly message to say so.

She goes in for MRI today. She has a lot of apprehension this time around. She asked about it constantly over the weekend, and bristled occasionally when she really thought about all that goes into it. It’s a sign that she’s getting older. She’s mature enough to know what’s going on. And she’s asked this time to see pictures from the scan. For $5, she’ll walk away with a disk full of images of the demon that stalks her everyday. She’s very interested to see what her cancer looks like. I’m very curious to see how she handles it, what she grasps, how it affects her.

I didn’t go with the girls today. Last night Jordan asked if I would hold her hand, like I usually do. I told her that Mommy would have to because I thought I would go to work. She smiled and said, “I’ll hold Mom’s hand.” Then she gave me a giant hug and started rambling on about all the things she was going to do Tuesday. We don’t talk much about Mondays.